my dad

July 23rd, 2007 by michelleong23

this is wat family means - Father, Mother, I Love You. i guess most of us seldom (or nvr) say these words to our parents. well i do express these 3 words in writing but not verbally. you know, on those occassions like father’s and mother’s day, birthdays etc. i just cant spill them out of my mouth. i’m just not that kind of person you know…and i couldnt even remember when was the last time i hugged them both. nonetheless, this doesnt mean i don’t love them or care for them. Just that my way of expressing is different. this entry is about my dad.



my dad is 59 years old. retired for 7 years already. since then, he has become my full time personal "chauffeur". sounds as if i’m such a spoilt brat and princess huh? well to certain extent, i do admit that ya’know? but cant really blame me, cos my dad ever so willingly drives me around. even tho i’m 20+ now, he still fetches me to and back from work. he is doin it without complaining at all. there was once he waited for me for almost an hour as i had an urgent escalation from customer. he didn’t even scold me or nag at me at all. i was really surprised. the dad that i know is usually very short tempered. this is just soooo unbelievable!

looking at this picture just reminds me how old he is already. when i took the picture, i felt a surge of happiness and contentment. all of sudden, i could really feel that i am so so so blessed. i have a family, a mum and dad whom i know will always stand by me, shelter me from getting hurt and most importantly accept me for who i am. their unconditional llove and care touches my heart. how could i ever repay them? my dad, tho at times he’s kinda unreasonable and "bull headed", i love him all the same. cos i know whatever he says or does, he still loves me very very much. and i know he will even sacrifice his own dear life just to make sure i’m not hurt in anyway. he will always take care of me, guide me, hold my hands, till his very last breath.

and dad, I will really like to say this from the bottom of my heart, "thank you, dad! there may be times that i disobey you, argue with you, or even say hurtful things to you, but i nvr mean it at all. cos in my heart, you are the greatest dad ever. no matter what happens, you are my dad and i will always love you for who you are just like how you love me for who i am."

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R.I.P

January 15th, 2007 by michelleong23

i’ve finally made the decision…altho it pains me like a blade cutting thru my heart, i noe this is the right thing to do. i cant bear to see her suffer anymore. when i look at her, she seems so lifeless. she doesn’t even want to come out from her cage. and she has not been eating well lately. lost lotsa weight too. when i touched it, all i can feel is her tiny bones portruding out. and the lump on the tummy and near her neck, they are getting bigger each day. she cant even walk right now.

after thinking for weeks, i realized this is the time i really gotta let her go. will be bringing her to vet tomorrow morning with al and jen. well pals, thx for being there. i wouldn’t know what to do if u guys aren’t with me. thx a million…

may you rest in peace…

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Itz a hard decision…euthanasia

December 23rd, 2006 by michelleong23
21/12, Thurs morning…mum suddenly brought up the subject of putting tung tung, my pet rabbit, to sleep. i was dumb founded; why did my mum suggest such idea to me?? explained to me that tung is really old and not only her tummy has growth in it, now at the left side of her neck, there is a very big lump too. and because of it, she is now limping to one side whenever she tries to walk or jump or hop around.
     looking at her brings a tear to my eyes. she has been with me for the past 5 to 6 years. letting it go is such a hard decision for me. when i look at her, i know i gotta let her go cuz i do not want to let her suffer. compared with last time, she is much more less active nowadays. and when she looks at me, it is as if i could feel her pain. it is as if she’s begging me to let her go too. but i just could not bring myself to make the decision. it is just too painful. what should i do? i know i shouldn’t be so selfish to keep her with me and let her suffer…but i just couldnt bring myself to decide. i couldnt accept the idea of putting her to sleep. itz just like i’m sending her to the "death gate" with my own hands.
     she looks so tired and old right now. unlike last time, she was so active she hopped around and nibbled on anything she could find be it newspapers, plastics bags, her own poo poo and pee pee or even offerings at the altar on the floor. at times, i was kinda angry cuz she was so destructive. but she looks just too cute i couldnt stay angry at her for more than a minute. but right now, my heart cries out every time she looks at me with her sorrowful eyes; as if pleading me to let her go.
     how i wish she is now just as active and destructive as she used to be. that way i know she’s still healthy and strong.
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a day of healthy living

November 5th, 2006 by michelleong23
     Sat, 4/11/2006, 8am - Riiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnggg!! dun misund, it wasnt the sound of a phone ringing. it was my alarm clock buzzing signifying it was time for me to get up. being a light sleeper, it wasnt hard to wake me at all. furthermore i slept early the night before. and i was really looking forward to today’s outing. we didn’t have much plan in mind, but the 1st destination (apart from breakfast-ing) was to upper penang road. heard from ch’ng and al that there is lotsa things to see wo. got a bazaar there ma. since yin, jen, chng and i have never been thr before, it was a great place to kick start our day.
     after having breakfast at siew fong loi, yin drove her ever so loyal white wira to upper penang road. it is somewhere near Picolino there wan where SS, garage and all the pubs and cafes located. much to our horror dissapoinment, the bazaar is not opened. too bad, so sad. all the way from bayan baru to island glades to batu lancang to tg bunga, we all so semangat bangun pagi gosok gigi but….sigh. cracking our 5 lil creative brains thinking of where to go was such a difficult task.  we ended up going to an pet shop located i-duno-where and spent like 30 mins there. the only thing that actually caught our attention was the rottie and mini pincher. damn cute la da rottie. so adorable and innocent looking. too bad i dun have a camera phone else i can snap a few pics and post them up here.
     next destination..long sigh. we actually were seated in the car for only-god-knows-how-long before we finally came up with the perfect plan —-> PSC. so off we went home to pack our clothes and stuffs cos we planned to swim, korek siput and also play some squash. interesting eh? sure la, sumore extremely healthy oh!! kekekeke…
     got home packed my things and waited for them to come back fetch me lo. semakin lama menunggu, semakin mau tidur. maka i beradu sikijap kat bilik mama i. napped for bout half an hr or so, they called me and asked me to go down wait.
     this was my very 1st time goin to PSC. yin and al had been there. so cnee  n i were the newbies. after chaging into shorts and T, we headed to the beach and start korek-ing siput. sigh. all our plans didn’t seem to work out, so instead of catching siput we got hermit crabs. lots of them. so we picked a few nice ones and al took them home.
     spent 2 hrs on the beach. it was just splendid. after that, we pigi squash. spent another 2 hrs plus there. hehehe. saje main nia. not pro. i seldom play sports ma. but it was an interesting sport la. and we actually planned to go PSC every saturday la. well only god knows if we could stick to our so call healthy living on Saturdays. kakakaka!! more to come in the future i hope…
     took our bathe, then time to feast. ordered western food. lepas makan, karaoke. balik kampung tanam jagung at 11 smth lo cos yin’s tiger and my tigeress are waiting at home. ms cinderella and cinderalli…gotta be home by 12am. else we will turn into…erm..ugly piggies?? hahaha!
ok la…enough for a day’s entry. it has pretty wrapped up my activities on a beautiful saturday morning till night healthy outing. looking towards to more sats like this one. *wink wink*
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Happy holz!!!

October 23rd, 2006 by michelleong23
     been away from this blogging biz for quite a while. I’m not exactly that busy, it’s just that i’ve nth much to share with you guys out there. but anyway, i had a marvellous time on last Sat at Aru’s hse.
     as you know last Sat was deepavali ma. so aru invited veena, norman, li wei, win yeow and me to go to her house lo. we reached there at about 3pm. greeted by aru in her t-shirt and shorts. we started to binge on food once we sat down. hahahaha!! the murukus, "ghee" balls (li wei your favourite), etc were too tempting to resist. ate alot on that day. we were served with mutton, curry chicken, salad, tosai, nuggets and…i couldnt rmbr anymore jor la. too many dishes. yum yum!!
     after eatimg, it was time to sweat a lil bit. hehehehe! we played firecrackers. really missed those times when i was still a kid; played like nobody’s business. those were the days…zaman kegemilangan michie leong. wahahahaha!!! anyway, we took lotsa pics on dat day too. and there was this one video where norman curi curi took. and the most embarassing thing is that i was the "main character" of the entire short video. Damn…so pai seh la…he even took a close up video of me talkin while eating my way to those yummy-licious, mouth watering, irresistible, ever tempting food.  i just cant believe he did that to me…sob sob…kena buli teruk. and all my friends were actually laughing AT me. sigh…suddenly i became the clown of the day =( but no doubt all of us were having lotsa fun. it is a great thing to meet up with your best pals once in a while. you’re really gonna laugh till your belly buttons hurt like hell. but who cares rite? laughter is the best medicine. and i find it very true. when i’m sad and depressed, a laughing session could cure me most of the time. so LAUGH all you can. ngek ngek ngek ngek!!!
     Sunday morning, 22/10 - Our beloved SA, REL CARE Danielle’s big day. alvin came to fetch me at 8am. off we went to danielle’s rented apt. well this was my 1st time attending such event and becoming the "zi mui". hahaha! we had a helluva time playing tricks on the groom and his best mates. the chinese tradition, sweet and sour, bitter and spicy. christy and jane and their super sweet syrup, extremely sour lime, absolutely thick and bitter black coffee w’o sugar and biscuits with "nose and eyes watering" wasabi. so imagine what it tasted like. some even shed tears eating the biscuits with wasabi. wahahaha!! a scene i will rmbr for a long long time.
     after that, we all balik kampung lo. i straight went to bed when i reached home. kinda sleepy and a lil tired oso la…got slight headache lo. woke up at 3 smth. since i’d got plenty of time left, so i decided to watch vcd, shanghai noon. at about 5.15pm, i took my bath and then did a lil make up and prepared myself for danielle’s wedding dinner.
     kenny, wei chuan and i reached crc at about 7smth. it was rainin kinda heavy oso at that time. the dinner started an hour later. before that, cher, carmen and i were really busy taking pictures of everyone. i guess i’ve never taken so many pics b4 in my whole life. well…err maybe except during my degree convo la =p everyone really had fun tho. busy posing and smilin and doin stupid, silly expressions. hehehe!! actually wanted to post up some of the pics here, but i very lazy la…hehe…but anyway, i may post them up in my friendster. so feel free to check it out.
     the dinner ended at about 10pm. reached home, took another bath, then online a lil while, and off i go to my ever peaceful slumberland. a tiring but absolutely happy day…..chiaoz!!
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to cry or not to cry??

October 15th, 2006 by michelleong23

TA DA!! finally my dad allowed me to drive on my own without his supervision. but of course i’m not all alone la. al came by to my hse and she parked her car at my lot. then i drove my car and went to yin’s hse lo. dropped by there for about an hour before we left for prangin.

dgn excited sekali i taught them both how to drive my lil savvy. hehehe. round the area for half and hour or so then off we started our journey to our destination. mana tau jalan tak sampai 10 min, i ter-hit the pavement then hior….tyre punctured. drove till shell and i stopped my car there. DAMN IT!! 1st time driving without dad and it turned out to be a nitemare =( stupid tyre punctured to easily. sob sob…

changed to my spare tyre with some help from an uncle. after that i paid him duit kopi. my spare tyre so lawak. the size is smaller than the normal ones. thank god yin and al were with me then. abo i duno wat to do oso la.

sigh. dare not tell my parents bout it. so we went to jelutong hopin 1 of the workshops ada buka so can "repair" the punctured tyre. duno i was considered lucky or unlucky, workshop memang ada buka but guess how much the tyre cost me? it was a FREAKING RM165 alrite!!! they said savvy eh tyre size is different from the rest wan wo. so the price oso different la. i din have a choice did i? there it goes my precious RM165. suddenly the RM50 notes grew wings and flew away from my pocket.

nevertheless, the incident never spoilt my semangat to go shopping. i bought 3 pants and a skirt from Ace Win, a pair of heels and oso a ring. stainless steel wan. very gaya lo. black color de. hehe. reali shopped gau gau till pokai. no1 to pamper me, so i gotta pamper myself more ma.

anyway today entry is actually to highlight my punctured tyre. it has become the main character of the day. zhen de hen dao mei ar jin tian. sigh. with a snap pf my fingers i spent a FREAKING RM165 jor. super boh kam uan u noe?? esh esh esh….geram nia aku!!!

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when you’re so sick and nobody cares

October 7th, 2006 by michelleong23

do you know how it feels? it’s not only terrible but it feels horrible. it’s like you’re left to rot and die on your own.

i took half day MC on fri. went straigth to doc. came back, ate medicine, and went off to sleep. but i din manage to sleep well. i was tossing and turning on my bed. and no1 even cares. well i couldnt blame my mum as she has been sick since wed. but my dad…i’m kinda disappointed with him…i mean when you’re sick you’ll expect someone to take care of your well being from eating medicine, to drinking water etc. but my dad did none of this you know? it’s like "you sick, you punya pasal lo". i feel so worthless living in this world. not only am i sick physically, but i feel so "alone". i’ve never felt this way before. not when i’m sick. i just duno wat happpens to my dad, but he is not like that last time. he used to care for me when i’m sick. at least i feel pampered. but right now, i feel nothing. even my friends called/ sms me asking how i am doing.

i’m just wondering, how am i suppose to recover when no1 cares for me?

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through the rain

September 27th, 2006 by michelleong23
When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you’re distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can’t find your way home
You can get there alone
It’s okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face
And should they tell you you’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And I stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain

———————————————————————————–
life has never been easy for me. from the moment i’m borned into this world, seems to me lotsa things have been destined. when i was in high sch, i thought i had already been thru the worst moments of my life. but reality has never been kind to me, as if i had not had enough, god decided to take away my bro when we least expected it. those unforgettable, sad memories came rushing  back to me. feels like it just happened yesterday. i could clearly remember every painful moment, every tickling second that passed by, i was really torn apart. i desperately wished i was just having some kind of nightmare. i was hoping some one will actually wake me up and tell me that it was just a terrible nightmare. none of it was true. or…it was me who god chose to take away.
     i know i should be thankful that i’m still alive till now. a lot of ppl are struggling to live life to its fullest but they are not given the chance to see how beautiful life could be. but at times, i just feel so lonely. i know i’m surrounded by a bunch of great and supportive friends, but the feeling of loneliness will always be there i guess. it just cant be wiped away can it? i don’t know why i am feeling this way, i just couldnt help it. maybe it’s the work pressure. it is taking its toll on me. i dont know. i feel that i’m changing inside. i’m not the cheerful me anymore. i can feel the heavy responsibilities on my shoulder. i could no longer be as naive as i used to be. and my emotions…i’m going thru an emotion roller coaster you know. sometimes it is just beyond my control. i really feel tired not only physically but mentally and emotinally as well. what has gotten into me? i’m supposed to feel happy but why aint i feeling so? i just dont understand myself.
     how i wish i have more privacy at home. i guess i really need to sort things out. there is nowhere for me to vent out my anger or frustration. i have nowhere where i could cry my heart out. and i just dont know how long i could keep all these to myself. sounds very suicidal aint it? god bless me.
     friends have been telling me i have got to be strong and stand up on my own. but there are times when i really wanna hide and shut myself up from the rest of the world. i just wanna be left alone with my own feelings and thoughts. let me grief for myself. i’m so tired of masking my true feelings and emotions in front of everyone else.
     this post is getting all too emotional. guess i better stop now. ‘fret not, i’m just ranting bout things that i could not show in front of my family, friends and colleagues. well i can and will make it thru the rain. just need some time. 
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carrot, egg or coffee bean

September 18th, 2006 by michelleong23

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.

She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil,without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity…boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter."When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?" Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? DidI have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break-up, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying….

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out of reach by gabrielle

September 18th, 2006 by michelleong23

Knew the signs
Wasn’t right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You’ll be out of my mind
And I’ll be over you

But now I’m
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach, So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach,
I can see
There’s a life out there
For me
———————————————————————————–

another one of my favourites. hehehehe. the lyrics described what i once felt. but it was ages ago. and that person has finally found his dream girl. wish him all the best in his future undertakings.

after such a long wait, i’ve got my CSAT coming in. hehehe. can u see my neck has grown a few inches longer? i’ve been working for 2 months plus d, and my hard work has finally paid off. CSAT stands for customer satisfaction. DSAT = dissatisfaction. i hope they will just keep on coming in. but pls not DSAT. cos it will affect the entire team’s performance. keep my fingers crossed. anyway, promised cheryl will treat her makan western food to celebrate my 1st hard earned, very much long awaited CSAT. hehehehe.

hmm, i’ve got nth much to share actually. but i’m really feeling happy and satisfied to get recognition from my customers. well i hope this is smth that will kick start my career and turn into some kind of motivation for me to perform better and feel more passionate about my job. fingers crossed….

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